Insecurity is not at all hard to detect if you know what you are looking for. Signs of insecurity are very difficult to hide even if you think you are doing a dam good job.
It doesn’t matter if you are insecure or you are in a relationship with someone who is insecure, it is going to have a negative impact on your life.
Here are some signs to determine if you or someone around you is insecure. You might find some of these signs surprising.
Some of these Signs may seem contradictory to each other. For example, bragging about one’s accomplishments could be a sign of insecurity as well as feeling uncomfortable talking about one’s accomplishments.
Why is this? One is a direct manifestation of being insecure. The other is a defense against insecurity.
But you only need to defend yourself if you are insecure. Therefore, all these are Signs of Insecurity.
1. They are Perfectionists
Perfectionists are usually insecure one way or the other. They have impossible standards for themselves and strive hard to reach them. Even the smallest mistake is a big failure in their eyes. In fact, there are no small mistakes. Mistakes are not acceptable at all.
2. They are Judgmental.
If you find someone who is always finding fault with other people, the chances are that the person is insecure. They do not feel enough and they have to find everything that is wrong with everyone else and pointed out so that they can feel good about themselves. Sure, we all judge, but if someone is constantly judging people, then that person is highly insecure.
3.They spend way too much time bragging about their accomplishments.
Being proud of your accomplishments is a good thing. If someone praises you and you can say thank you that is healthy self-esteem but, if you keep bragging about it so much that others feel like you are rubbing it on their faces then that is a sign of insecurity. It means that you do not feel as proud as you would like to feel and you need to remind yourself how accomplished you are by bragging to others nonstop.
A: ” Did I tell you about the time the vice president invited me to dinner to thank me in person for…”
B: “I know, you told me 3 times already. And that’s just this week.”
4. They can criticize, but they cannot handle feedback
You might know someone who criticizes people a lot, they act as if they know everything but the moment someone disagrees with their advice or point out one of their flaws they cannot handle it. They overreact either verbally or nonverbally. Verbally, they could get angry and lash out. Non verbally, they could ignore you for a few days or not speak to you at all. It is possible that they take it as an insult and make it their lives mission to make you feel bad.
“What the hell just happened? I only asked her if it is so wrong, why did you do the same thing last Friday.”
5. They never say sorry.
People who have trouble saying sorry are often seen as people who are arrogant and way too proud, but in reality, they’re just insecure.
Deep down inside these people already see themselves as “not good enough”.
The notion of apologizing means accepting their own mistakes. Making a mistake will break them due to their insecurities. So they do not have the ability to apologize.
Usually, their defense mechanisms kick in and they pretend like it never happened or act like it was never a mistake.
6. They expect everyone else to play by their rules
Have you ever met someone who tries to control everything, including other peoples lives and their actions? They cannot accept the fact that someone else’s choices may be different from their own because that would mean they are wrong. So they always try to convince you that what you are doing or thinking is wrong and their way is right. This is a desperate attempt to prove to themselves that they are right. They just want you to agree with them. By doing so they are trying to prove to themselves that they are right. So if you disagree with them, they will get angry.
7. They blame others for their unhappiness
If it’s always someone else’s fault that they are not happy, you can be sure that they are insecure. They refuse to take responsibility for their own happiness and act as if the universe is conspiring to make them unhappy. This stems from their desire to avoid responsibility.
8. They hate taking responsibility
These are often the people who have impossibly high standards for themselves. Some of them even judge others based on their standard. They are threatened by the idea of taking responsibility because they are afraid of failing. Being unable to handle criticism and trying to be perfect can also be aspects of this issue.
So the next time you judge your friend who always has an excuse not to Babysit your kids when they are totally free and have nothing to do, it might be wise to step back and wonder if they are insecure at least when it comes to children.
9. People pleasing
This is a category that I used to fall under. I always did what I thought people needed me to do, said what I thought people needed me to say. By doing this I was throwing away my own emotions and thoughts. Due to this at one point I didn’t know what I wanted or what made me happy. All I wanted was for others to be happy. But nothing I did ever make them happy. That was because I was not the reason they were unhappy. This is the reality of people pleasers and it is one of many signs of insecurity.
A: What’s your favorite color?
B: What’s yours?
B: Mine too.
Anxiety by its definition is an irrational fear. So it is no surprise that people who are insecure suffer from some sort of anxiety. Since they don’t feel safe, they expect bad things to happen to them and that expectation keeps them on edge.
Depression is, in simple, ongoing sadness. For normal people, if a terrible thing happens to them, they will be sad for some time and then they will get over it. Eventually, things will go back to normal. But those who are depressed are never happy, no matter how good things are. A part of this comes from feeling insecure and unsafe. They feel like nothing they do is enough. People pleasers can often find themselves in depression.
Have you been in a relationship with a jealous man or a woman? Sure, we all get jealous, but, if jealousy is one of the dominant qualities of a person, chances are that he or she is insecure. These people usually have very low self-esteem and feel insecure because they do not feel like a valuable person. Unconsciously they expect you to find someone better and leave them. That is because they can’t see their own value and why anyone would choose to stay with them.
13. They make excuses for others
This is the opposite of judging people too harshly. It’s okay to hold other people up to a certain standard, but if you are insecure, you may find yourself making excuses for others and not expecting them to meet your standards at all. For example, they could be hours late to meet you every single time, but you say nothing. Instead, you find yourself making excuses for them every time they do it. That means that you don’t think you are worthwhile and the fact that they are coming to meet you at all is something good in your eyes. You are afraid that if you say something they will be mad at you and you will lose a friend. In your mind, you will never find another one. Of course, you might not be conscious of these thoughts, but they lie deep within you.
14. They give up
I used to fall under this category. Sometimes I just gave up doing things because I knew that it is impossible to do it perfectly. But in my mind, It was because I was not good enough as opposed to making mistakes being human nature. Another reason that someone may expect to fail and give up as there is no use of even trying if you are going to fail anyway.
15. They Feel Uncomfortable Talking about their Achievements.
An insecure person doesn’t believe that their accomplishments are worthwhile and when you talk about their accomplishments in a positive way they feel uncomfortable because agreeing with you feels like lying to you. But on the other hand, everything that you are saying is factually correct so they cannot disagree with you. This creates this uncomfortable feeling they cannot handle.
So what can you do if you are displaying signs of Insecurity?
The root cause of insecurity is having low self-esteem, therefore, doing things to improve your self-esteem goes a long way. I will write an article about that soon. But for now, use Google and YouTube to find content on how to improve your self-esteem.
Little things like saying no to people when you really don’t want to do something can drastically improve your self-esteem.
There are good books on how to raise your self-esteem also. Love Yourself like Your Life Depends on It by Kamal Ravikant is one of them. It’s short and sweet and to the point, you can find it here on Amazon
Here is a good video on dealing with Insecurity